There have been many nights lately where we will be eating dinner and Neil will ask me how my day was. I look around and see HP melting down, E is in my lap nursing because she is tired and too fussy to be set down anywhere, and the house is a complete mess. So in response, I just start singing this song and after a beat Neil joins in.
Because moments like those? We aren't going to miss.
But there are plenty of moments that we will. This afternoon we were outside (March in Austin is perfection). While we waited for Neil to get home HP was busy dipping a paint brush in water to wash off the chalk drawings we made yesterday. E was content hanging out, being her relaxed little self. I was laughing with HP and smelling E's feather soft hair. When Neil arrived we decided to have a picnic in the front yard. And I thought, I am going to miss this.
I just went back and reread Glennon's Carpe Kairos essay. I think I should set a reminder for myself to read that once a week, because it always makes me feel less alone. Lately, parenting has been hard. So hard. At the end of the day have me in tears telling Neil how very not okay I am hard.
I am fairly pragmatic about my parenting experience. I known there are parts I am going to miss, but I also know I am not someone is going to wax nostalgic for these early years. I will remember the hard moments, the just-trying-to-survive moments, and the please-God-let-this-be-a-phase moments.
When I look back on this time, I hope I can say that I did my best to soak in the sweetness of having an infant and a toddler. But I also hope I remember that sometimes even that was too much to ask, and give myself a high-five for just making it through.