Today is Wolverine's due date. I feel strangely ambivalent about it. Since my mom had both my sister and I almost two weeks early, I never expected to make it this far. Even so, I feel less impatient than I would have imagined. These last few days with Neil have been relaxing and lovely. He has been so thoughtful and caring, which makes me fall in love with him all over again. We're both ready and excited to meet Wolverine, but we're not in a rush. Every day I wake up and think, "I could give birth today. Or not." And then I just keep doing what I'm doing and don't dwell on it. Honestly, it's hard to believe we've reached the end. We've been so busy fixing up the house and moving that the last two months have flown by. I think Wolverine is giving us this extra time to slow down and reconnect with each other before our world is turned upside down.
A few weeks ago I told Neil that I felt like I had done this pregnancy all wrong--that I should have done a better job documenting the pregnancy. He just looked at me and said that I was being ridiculous. I think his exact words were, "Sarah, do you think people a hundred years ago worried about documenting their pregnancy?" True enough. Just because I didn't write letters to my unborn child every week doesn't mean I love him/her any less. Of course that's not to say I think it's a waste to spend time documenting and connecting with your child during pregnancy--it's just not something I faithfully did and I am working to let go of that guilt.
A week from now I'll probably have a child on the outside.
Or I'll still be pregnant.