I want to write more.
I have had a negative association with writing because up until this point, most of my writing has been at the direction of a teacher or professor. And I hate writing papers. Hate it. Sitting in front of the computer and having the churn out five (or ten or twenty or even a one) page paper? I will do everything in my power to avoid it. The only way I wrote papers throughout my academic career was by putting it off until the last possible moment when I had no choice but to complete the assignment. It was an amazingly effective strategy. Even as I sailed through school, this process left me with a strong distaste for writing.
In high school I used to love to write--not papers, I still hated those with every fiber of my being--but writing for me? I loved it. I would spend the hours of study hall or class just writing. Stream of consciousness, describing what I was thinking and feeling on any scrap of paper I could find. It helped me process. I would spend hours looking up different quotations because I loved collecting these phrases that distilled so much into so little in such a beautiful way. I found it inspiring. I still have folders full of random note pages filled with quotes, thoughts, poems, discussion… it was my own disconnected journal. I have never successfully journaled in the traditional sense of recording the activities of my life for posterity. When I travel I try to "journal" because I know a year, or two, or five years down the line it will all be a haze and I’ll wish for a more detailed account than what I can pull from my memory.
All of this is to say that I’ve written myself off as a writer because I can’t journal and I detest academic papers. Somewhere along the way, I forgot that I actually used to love to write. For me.
So I’m starting again. I’m going to try and write something every day. Even if it’s only a few sentences and makes no sense to anyone but me. I think writing could be an important creative outlet for my thoughts and energy as well as a tool to with which I can both navigate and remember my life.
For now, my blog with be anonymous. I’m not going to share the link with my family and friends, I’m not going to post pictures, I’m not going to share identifying details. I want to be free to explore my life, the world, and this medium without wondering how so-and-so is going to perceive or interpret it. I want to get my writing legs back before sending it out to the masses with whom I interact on a daily basis.
So for now, it’s just going to be for me.
And any random person who stumbles here through the maze that is World Wide Web.